Labeling (placing a label on people or ideas to discard them).Control (pushing your beliefs on others or dominating the argument).When individuals use violence, they generally do one of three things: Withdrawing, which involves completely retreating from the discussion.Avoiding, which involves fully avoiding difficult issues.Masking, which involves understating or selectively displaying your genuine beliefs.People frequently use silence for one of three reasons: Silence (withholding meaning from the pool) or violence (attempting to force meaning into the pool) are common examples. Most individuals fall back on their "Style Under Stress," which is how they've always dealt with challenging situations (and it is typically ineffective). When interactions become emotional, though, that feeling of security vanishes. People feel protected and can maintain their composure when interactions are regular. That's because most important talks don't begin that way. Recognizing when you're in a vital discussion is one of the keys to having them. This is easier said than done, but you'll notice that crucial conversations in your life begin to flow much more smoothly if you start there. encourage your brain to look for choices to engage you in conversation.It all starts with a simple method to get out of the Fool's Choice. Or the difference between winning and losing. Your mind will begin to suggest that you must choose between honesty and relationship tranquility. Then, as you analyze your options, you'll find that you're persuading yourself into making a Fool's Choice. Then, determine what you truly desire forįinally, consider how you would act if you truly desired that outcome. Slow down and pay attention to your reasons if you find this happening.Įxamine your actions to see what they reveal about your motivations. Frequently resulting in negative effects. Your fight or flight response is also likely to appear in an emotionally intense conversation. In a high-stakes circumstance, it's simple to change your motivations on the fly - perhaps to save face, for example. The second stage is to maintain your concentration on what you truly desire. As a result, you begin this journey by altering your mindset and committing to the 7 principles. Remember that you are the only person you can directly manage in each conversation as the first step to attaining what you really desire. There are three phases to accomplishing this. "How to Stay Focused on What You Really Want" is the subtitle of this chapter. So, how are we going to get there? With the Crucial Conversations' seven principles. The group's decision is better than any one member's alone. That contains ideas that we may not have explored otherwise. People who are great at discussion provide a secure environment for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool. In that case, we each have our own "Personal Pool of Meaning." Suppose you and I begin a conversation with differing perspectives, sentiments, and theories about the subject at hand. The authors refer to the "Shared Pool of Meaning" as the center of discussion. It is based on two people's free flow of open conversation, which the writers refer to as dialogue. The good news is that there is a reliable set of tactics demonstrated to work in practically every circumstance and context. Our ability to manage these talks deftly affects our professions, homes, and even our emotional well-being.Ĭonsider what the writers refer to as "The Fool's Choice," in which we feel that the only option is speaking the truth or maintaining a buddy. This, of course, has ramifications in every aspect of our lives. As a result, we don't take the time to plan out how to execute them properly. Therefore we try to avoid them if possible. They don't happen frequently enough to become a habit. The authors point out that the more important the talk is, the less likely we will handle it successfully.
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